True Companions

I have decided that since I get the most sad when I want to talk to my mom and I can’t, that I would just do it here… because I know she can read it. ;-) Oh what a day!! Both Jack and Hunter were up all night throwing up. By 10:00 am I was on my third set of crib sheets. Hunter, of course stayed home from school. I had an oil change appointment at 11:00 so my plan was to put Jack down for a nap and take Jilly with me, that way Hunter didn’t have to do anything other than be here. I got a call from Danny’s school nurse that his stomach was hurting. I picked him up and took him with me to the appointment. By the time my car was ready, Danny was jumping all over the chairs. I called the school nurse and brought him back to school. Besides, it was actually safer, and healthier, for him to be there than here at our house. Jilly was so funny today! Since we had Greg’s car for the oil change, she didn’t have a movie player in there and was talking away to herself. This was her conversati...

I am sitting here tonight very sad. We had our ward Cub Scout Blue & Gold dinner. I was so nervous that I wouldn’t have enough stuff to fill the time but I really wasn’t sure what else to do – so I just did it and hoped for the best. It went surprisingly well. As I was driving home (Greg was in the car in front of me), I realized that I didn’t have anyone to call and cheer with. Other than Greg (and I am not discounting him) I don’t have anyone who is really invested in my life. As adults we hope for that one great friend who knows everything about us and cheer for every part of our lives with us. For me, that was my mom. She wasn’t just invested in my life because she was my mom, she was invested because she was my best friend. And now she is gone….. These are the moments I miss her most. When I want to call and talk to her about something excited, about something special, or about nothing at all. I know that it makes Greg feel bad that he can’t fulfill this part of my life,...

It has been much too long and much too sporadic since I was typing in this blog regularly. I know that I should be better and I want to be… so I guess that will happen one post at a time. I find that I need a place to talk where I can be open and not judged – so I guess this is that place. It has been 7 ½ months since my mom died. Some days I handle things well, some days not so much. Today is an OK day. I am finding that I don’t have to chastise myself for thinking about her as much because it doesn’t debilitate me as much as it used to. I spent much of the day sitting with a friend of mine going through the last of my dad’s camera collection. She marveled at the many “cool” items that he had and was thrilled when she went home with a couple prized possessions. The joy on her face was not far from the joy on my dad’s as he played with a camera and took it apart simply because he could – just like she did. There is something about knowing that you are an orphan that is disheartening. ...