Opportunities for all!?

This was copied from my my sister-in-law's sister's blog.

And if that isn't confusing enough.... read on!


(Business at City Hall in San Francisco )

"Next."
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. Wouldn't that be incest ?"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other.Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry my brother Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals ?"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition ?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together, and maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"Oh, all right. Next!"
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"Who are you going to marry?"
"My pet sheep."
"What?! You can't marry your pet sheep. Marriage is between people."
"I disagree. No law states that I have to marry a person. I love Kinky-Winky, and he loves me. And if the constitution can guarantee everyone else the right to marry whomever they want to, I have the right to marry whatever I want to, for whatever reason I want to."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"

Comments

Ryan Anderson said…
What's (not) funny is that even 10 years ago, the very thought that governments would legalize gay marriage one day seemed absurd. Having known a good share of homosexuals in my life, I think of them as I would anyone else; I'm probably more liberal on gay rights than other fellow conservatives. I do draw the line at government sanction of marriage. Marriage (man + woman) has existed for thousands of years through every civilization, and exists primarily for the nurturing of children. Therefore, government & society have an interest in sanctioning traditional marriage and giving it special consideration in tax policy, benefit considerations, etc.

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